


Underneath It All

by Smapdi



Category: The Mindy Project
Genre: Angstastic!, F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-08-12
Updated: 2015-08-12
Packaged: 2018-04-14 06:57:08
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,673
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4555083
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Smapdi/pseuds/Smapdi
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>What could have happened if 'Danny and Mindy' hadn't.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Underneath It All

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Likerealpeopledo](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Likerealpeopledo/gifts).



> and she won't let you forget it.

Eight months is a long time to be separated from the woman you love. It's exponentially worse when you're the reason she left in the first place.

Danny hasn't felt this kind of panic inducing nausea in a while, but it hits him full force when he hears her voice in the lobby. They've barely spoken since his last fumbled effort to get her back, before her fellowship across the country, when she looked at him with something akin to disgust and told him she was the one who got to decide. 

Obviously, she had decided, joining the growing numbers of people who had to run far away from Danny Castellano. 

Unfortunately, absence often does make the heart grow fonder, and no amount of work or liquor or careless fucking around had served to solve a problem like Mindy. They just ended up causing other problems, especially when combined. He wasn't quite sure how to explain to her exactly how badly he had fucked up, but that could wait. 

He steels himself and heads out of his office, hoping by now she's forgiven him, that this time she'll stay and they can fall back into the comfortable rhythms of friendship, if she'll even grant him that. His chest feels tight, constricted, and he inhales deeply as he steps out of his door. 

Mindy is in the middle of a dozen people, wearing blindingly bright prints, her hair falling just past her shoulders, and she's lit up like Times Square. Danny's lips twitch as he tries to suppress a smile; it's just so damned good to see her. As he reaches the nearby counter, he's almost prepared to greet her when she turns and tugs on the arm on a man he doesn't recognize, and the smile dies on his lips. 

"You guys, this is Jack. Say hi, Jack! Just don't say that in the airport, right?" She giggles as he slips an arm around her waist and with his free hand gives Morgan a fist bump. 

He should have expected she'd be dating. It wasn't like he was waiting around for her to return; though none of his brief relationships had meant anything, at least to him. But something about the way they look together makes it pretty clear this isn't just a casual thing. With a knot in his stomach, he searches her left hand, but there's no ring on that finger. 

Not that it makes any difference. 

He's not surprised that he hasn't heard about this guy. She really only talks to Peter now, and while Danny is certain that Peter knew, he doesn't talk to him very often either. Not since Sally.

Mindy's eyes meet his and something flashes in them, but in an instant it's gone. She smiles at him, but it's almost as if she's wearing a mask, and Danny assumes his own face is similarly guarded.

He does what he's supposed to - gives her a quick, awkward side hug, shakes her boyfriend's hand, and waits for the appropriate time to make an exit. 

Once he's back in his office, Danny just sits. He's sure he could be doing something more productive than staring at his computer screen while his mind reels, but he just can't make himself work. 

Mindy pops her head in before she leaves and he impulsively invites her and Jack to dinner. She looks surprised, but pleased, and he suddenly has second thoughts when she accepts. 

At least it gives him something to do.

\--

The oven buzzes at the same time as the doorbell, which is the kind of synchronicity that Mindy would immediately declare was a meaningful sign of something larger in the universe taking action. In reality, Danny just added fifteen minutes to the time he told Mindy to arrive, and whaddya know, she's exactly late on time. 

He takes the lasagne out before answering the door, and she stands there, wine in hand, a big grin on her face as she scrunches her shoulders and shrieks his name. It's not like they didn't see each other earlier, but apparently this is more of the big event she's expected after eight months apart. Before Danny can greet her, Mindy flings herself at him, arms around his back in the kind of bear hug you give an old college buddy, or the cousin you spent every summer with growing up - or, apparently, a guy you maybe used to love. 

Danny squeezes her and disentangles himself quickly. "Where's Jack?"

Mindy bites a lip and responds breezily. "Fishman paged him, and he's trying to impress her, so he couldn't say no. But he wanted me to come anyway, said we need to catch up." She wiggles the bottle of wine, a dusky Sangiovese. "And he bought the wine, so, bonus!"

Dinner consists of Mindy talking more than she's eating, as if she's trying to fit eight months, or really, closer to eleven months of conversation into a couple of hours. It's pleasant, the way she's talking to him with enthusiasm and affection rather than the stilted detente they suffered through before she left.

But as Danny expects that has to come to an end eventually because it's all too pleasant and comfortable. She finally gets to the part where she meets Jack, and the lasagne is a lead weight in his stomach as she talks about him with her sparkling eyes. It sounds pretty much exactly like one of her rom-coms come to life, from the meet cute, to the teasing flirtation, to romantic moments where his hand brushed hers as they worked in the lab. Disgusting. 

Still, he can't help but be a little suspicious, which is his nature, because every so often when she looks at him, the mask slips, and her eyes go soft and a little sad. 

"So what about you, Danny? Are you seeing anyone special?" 

He shakes his head. "I've been...dating. It's fine." He can't talk about that now, and though it's a form of self torture, he turns the topic back to Jack.

"So you've been going out with Jack for a few months now? He seems like a nice guy."

Mindy sips her wine and looks at him over the rim. "He is," she says quietly. "He's the nicest guy I've ever dated. No offense."

"None taken." Danny lifts his hands and grins. "Is it serious?"

She exhales and scrapes her fork through the last bits of sauce on her plate. "Yeah. He wants to move here and open a fertility practice with me." 

"Wow." The fist in Danny's chest tightens. "Does Jeremy know? That you're thinking of leaving for good, I mean."

Mindy nods. "It wouldn't be right away, and I'd still want to be at the practice part time, at least until we see if we can get it off the ground. But he's okay with it. So is Pete." 

He hears the subtext, and isn't sure if she's asking his permission or telling him she doesn't need it. "Hey, that's great," he lies. "So, you're deliriously happy."

"You can tell!" She tosses her hair with a little grin. 

He nods. "No."

Mindy's smile falters, just for a second, and then it's pasted on wider than before. 

"Look, Mindy, I just mean...something doesn't seem right. I can read you like a book."

"Maybe once upon a time you could, but obviously not anymore. You're wrong." She grabs her plate and heads into the kitchen, aggressively rinsing it. Danny follows her and waits for her to look at him again. 

"Great. I'm glad to be wrong. I want you to be happy."

"I am happy, Danny. It's the first time in a long time that I can see clearly what my path is, and I can't tell you how important that is to me."

She smiles confidently and sets down the plate, reaching for the dish towel that hangs in the same spot it was last time she visited. Danny is nothing if not a creature of habit, and it kills him how comfortable she is in his home even after so much time. 

"So, you're gonna get married, have a dozen babies?" The words feel like stilettos in his gut, but it's impossible for him to keep his mouth shut now. 

Mindy flinches, and that sad veil in her eyes returns. She looks away quickly. "I don't know. Maybe." Her voice is a little thick. Still, he can't stop probing, like he's picking at an open wound. 

"You haven't talked about it? I thought that was second date level."

"We have talked about it." Her words come slowly, measured. She still won't look him in the eye. "Jack doesn't want children."

Danny is struck dumb for a moment. As long as he's known Mindy, he's known her to want a family, and this throws him for a loop. 

"And you're okay with that?"

She nods, and her breath comes in a little gasp, one that could be mistaken for a sob. 

"Really." His disbelief is evident in his tone and finally Mindy looks at him. Her eyes are glistening. 

"Fuck you, Danny."

And then she starts to cry. 

He's caught off guard, wanting to console her, but knowing it's not his place, especially considering his usual methods are food and sex, and they just finished dinner. So Danny watches cautiously as she gets herself back together. 

"I should go, Danny," she says once the tears are dried, little tracks still frozen on her cheeks. But she makes no move to stand, her hands folded in her lap, fidgeting. 

"Min." 

She flinches at the diminutive and shakes her head. "No, I'm okay."

"Why are you doing this? If you're not happy..."

"I am happy, Danny." She looks him in the eye now, straightening her shoulders, taking up a battle stance. 

"You've always wanted kids. How can you give that up so easily?" Danny wills himself to shut up; it's none of his business, not anymore. 

"People change, you know. And who's to say it would happen anyway? Why should I risk waiting around for a someday that might never come?" 

"You want fundamentally different things. Do you really think you can change him?" He shakes his head. "You know that won't work."

Mindy sighs dramatically. "I'm not trying to change him. I'm trying to accept that I might not be able to have everything I want and I can still be happy."

"So once again, you're going to change yourself to keep a relationship. Has that ever worked on the past?"

"Jesus, Danny. What's your problem? Yeah, I can change, because I'm not afraid of trying. I'm not going to lose a good relationship because I don't believe in myself." Her lips are a thin line and she glares at him. 

"I get it, Mindy. I just hate to see you twist yourself to be someone you're not. You're perfect the way you are."

She stands up now. "Oh, stop it, Danny." 

He follows her as she grabs her cost and purse and heads to the door, and when she whips around to face him, he nearly crashes into her. She doesn't seem to notice the lack of personal space as she looks up at him, her eyes glistening again. "Just so you know, Danny, it's a normal part of a relationship to change, at least a little. But the relationship that changed me the most was with you."

She whirls back and stalks out, leaving him reeling. 

\---

Danny needs to apologize, and he needs to tell her what has been weighing on his conscience for months, but both seemed so daunting that he just avoids her for a few days. It isn't hard at all, because she's been busy catching up and getting back into her groove and also seems to be avoiding him too. He actually sees Jack, twice, and he makes small talk, friendly enough that Danny is sure that Mindy hadn't mentioned their conversation. 

But putting things off doesn't make them go away, and Danny finds himself staring at a text and realizing he's going to have to talk to Mindy, no matter how painful, because if he doesn't, she'll only end up being more hurt. So he waits till until late in the day, when the support staff is gone, when Mindy is in her office alone, and as best as he can determine, Jack is at the hospital. 

He says a quick prayer before knocking.

Mindy smiles when she sees him and it makes his heart light for a moment. She seems in such good spirits that he nearly chickens out.

"Hey, I just wanted to apologize for the other night. I shouldn't have butted in to your business." Danny sits, his arms folded, guarded. Mindy, in comparison, is open as a sunflower.

"That's true, but it's okay. I appreciate that you care."

"Yeah, but I was being a jerk about it."

"Well, that's kinda your brand." She smirks at him and the affection in her voice gives him pangs of regret. "I still want you to get to know Jack. I mean, we'll all be kind of working together, and I want you and him to be friends. If we can be friends..." Her voice trails off with a question.

"We are friends, Mindy." Danny looks down at his hands and braces himself. "But look, there's something I need to share with you, and I don't know how you're going to feel about it." 

"You can tell me anything, Danny." Her curiosity is palpable. 

He exhales deeply. "Okay, so when you left, things got a little rough." Danny looks up to find her eyes warm and intrigued. "I did some stupid stuff, and there are...consequences."

"Danny Castellano, did you get yourself thrown in jail? Who did you punch?" 

He shakes his head. "Nope, nothing like that. But I was drinking a bit... and I was seeing this girl, Gina was her name, is her name, for a while. It wasn't serious, you know, I was just kind of lonely, and she was...sweet. But I, uh, I got careless, and..." He tilts his head back to stare at the ceiling, and right now, he wouldn't feel all that bad if a flash of lightning struck him dead. "I got her pregnant, Mindy."

It's eerily quiet, and he can't look up forever, so he drops his head to meet her eyes, but they are cast at her desktop. 

"Oh, wow," she finally says. "That's, uh... Congratulations!" When she looks up, her features are fixed in a smile, but it doesn't carry to her eyes. "Are you guys still together?"

"No, we split up before she even found out." Danny smiles sadly. "She told me about a month later. Said she hoped the baby gets my genes for looks and not personality, 'cos mine stinks."

"Well, she's an idiot then." Mindy blinks a few times. "When is the baby due? Are you going to share custody or what?"

"She's got a little over eight weeks to go. I told her I'd like to be involved in the baby's life, but how much is up to her. I think she's made her peace with me, for the most part."

"Wow, so you must have gotten with her, like, right away, if she's that far along. Damn, Castellano, you don't even let the corpse cool." Mindy shook her head, her jaw tight, the smile on her lips a bit forced. 

"Mindy, I was kind of a mess. I mean, I still am, but... I didn't mean for this to happen. I guess I'm glad, kind of, because I don't know that there's any other chance I would have had to be a father. But I hate that this could hurt you." 

She lets out a deep, shuddering breath. "Danny, I think it's wonderful that you can be a dad. You'll be great. But if you don't mind, I think I need to just have some time to process this." Mindy stands and walks to the door, not at all subtly ushering him out. He stops in the doorway and grasps her arm, squeezing, the first physical contact he's made with her in months. 

She ducks her head and smiles ruefully. "Things don't always go how we hoped they might, Danny, but that doesn't mean they aren't meant to be."

He nods, searching her eyes. "I know, but..." He releases her arm and starts to move past her. 

"I thought I was gonna be the one having your babies, Danny," she blurts out, her voice cracking. "Just not meant to be."

\--- 

Mindy avoids him after that, and he tries to give her space, all the while itching to try and reconnect somehow. He buys her fancy coffee that just went cold, and orders three new magazines for reception that land straight on her desk, but it doesn't work. She still gives him a tight, fake smile when their paths cross, and finds more and more reasons to stay away from the practice. 

Danny's son is born three weeks early, still a solid seven pounds, 18 inches of anger and hair, on a day that Mindy is blessedly not on call. Even though having her there is both the last thing, and really the only thing that Danny wants, Peter does a more than capable job. He actually looks a little choked up, and Danny, already a tightly wound ball of emotion, is touched. 

Matthew Daniel Harper stays in the hospital an extra week, during which Danny can be found there almost round the clock. His family and friends keep encouraging him to file for joint custody, but he knows it would only end combatively, so he settles for less than he deserves: visitation. Instead, he pays for everything he could and then some, so his son will want for nothing, and tries not to let the sadness show. The staff chips in and gives him balloons and cigars and a gift certificate to Bundle NYC, and he scans the card for the one name that didn't sign it. Morgan signed it for her, and he would have known even if it wasn't in the same tear stained scrawled handwriting as his own heartfelt wishes. 

And it feels like maybe he can keep his lives (part-time father, full-time doctor, all-time idiot) separate, until the day Gina shows up at the office, baby in tow, and he watches in abject horror as Mindy walks in with her boyfriend at the same time. Clearly assuming she's a client, as patients tend to come in to show off their infants when they're cleaned up nicely, Mindy leans down to peer at the sleeping infant, and her squeal of joy chokes off as the realization hits her.  
Seconds later, it's the floor that hits her as she stumbles backward and tangles her feet in an attempt to flee. 

Danny heads to help, but Jack is at her side, and so he chooses to forgo introductions and ushers Gina into his office. The formerly sleeping baby is now bawling his head off from the ruckus and shortly Danny has a newborn, a diaper bag, and a looming sense of worry as Gina heads out past Mindy, who's tentatively trying to put weight on one leg. 

He settles the baby, torn between this new love of his life and the one he can't seem to get over, as Jack helps Mindy into a chair and examines her ankle. 

"Are you alright?" Danny asks, helplessly. 

"I'm fine, completely fine," she snaps, her ego perhaps more bruised than the sore spot where she landed. 

"I'm sorry," Danny murmurs, focusing back on the infant. "This wasn't planned - she just called and asked if I could watch him for an hour or two. I guess her sister is sick."

Mindy swallows hard, staring at the scene before her. She digs her nails into Jack's arm and blames her sore ankle when he yelps. "He's beautiful, Danny," she says, struggling to keep her voice sound calm. The tiny infant is quiet, staring up at his father, and tears pop into Mindy's eyes before she blinks them away. 

"Yeah. He looks like his mother."

"Nonsense, Danny, he looks just like you." 

Danny looks up, apologizing with his eyes, and he sees a look of sad acceptance in hers. "Do you want to hold him?" 

Mindy shakes her head, her voice a little thick. "No, I need to go, I have a patient coming." Danny knows it's a lie, because he has her schedule memorized, but he doesn't argue. She stands shakily and gives Jack a quick hug. 

"You sure you're okay?" Both men ask her simultaneously, and she nods, her jaw clenched, and limps to her office, the click of the lock echoing loudly in the quiet office. 

Jack clears his throat, and Danny realizes he's been staring after her the whole time, as the baby starts to fuss in his arms. 

"I think it's lunch time for this one," Danny says, holding his son close to his chest. Jack glances at Mindy's door, then back to Danny, and gives him a little wave as he walks away. 

He's not sure, but he thinks he can hear Mindy quietly crying as he passes her door, and he's certain he's never felt worse, mostly because right now, he wouldn't change a thing. 

\---

"Danny, I need to talk to you about our staffing issues." 

Jeremy stands in the doorway of Danny's office, a sheaf of paperwork in his hand. Danny ushers him in and swallows the lump in his throat. Since the incident last week, Mindy has been almost completely absent, and he assumes she's gearing up to open the clinic soon. 

"You mean Mindy? Has she...set a date to leave?" 

"Leave?" Jeremy asks absentmindedly, shuffling the papers. "I'm talking about Beverly's FMLA. Mindy isn't leaving."

"She's opening a fertility clinic with her...with Jack."

Jeremy raise some brow. "Wow, Danny, you two really aren't talking much anymore. That plan has been, uh...axed."

A weird combination of relief and concern washes over Danny. "No, I don't see her much now. Why isn't she going forward? I thought she was really excited."

"I think you need to talk to Mindy," Jeremy replies, grimacing. "It's not my place to discuss her personal life."

"Her personal life? Jeremy, what's going on?" 

He stands up, prepared to make a swift exit. "You know, I can take care of this paperwork myself after all." Jeremy pauses in the doorway. "Really, talk to her."

\---

He tracks her down to the hospital and finds her in the lounge, where she's quietly reading a magazine. 

"Knock knock," he says, rapping on the door frame. 

Mindy looks up, clearly exhausted, and gives him a sad smile. "Hey, Danny." She tucks her feet up beneath her and he takes a seat next to her on the couch.

"I heard you had back to back deliveries. You should have paged me, I wasn't busy."

"No, it was fine, they weren't complicated. Two beautiful babies." She closes her eyes and takes a deep breath. "Speaking of which, how is that gorgeous boy of yours?" 

"He's great, Mindy. Gina actually hired my mom to babysit him now that she's back to work. Ma and Dot are over the moon. They pretty much wrote off any chance of grandkids, so, you know. They don't charge her much."

"You talk about them like they're an old married couple."

"Well, they kinda are." Danny chuckles. "Listen, I feel like an idiot, but I didn't know about your change of plans."

"My plans...yeah, they've changed alright." She bites her lower lip and looks away. "It just didn't seem like a great idea to strike out on my own."

"On your own." His unasked question hangs in the air. 

"Jack went back to Seattle."

Danny hesitates, willing her to turn her face his way. "So you guys are...

"Done? Kaput? The fat lady has sung? Yeah, he broke up with me." Her voice is thin and Danny can tell she's on the edge of crying. 

"I'm sorry. You guys seemed great together."

Mindy shakes her head. "He said we both wanted different things, he didn't want me to have to settle, blah blah blah. It was like he was there that night at your place. And the shitty thing is, deep down I knew it wouldn't be fair to either of us."

"Well, you did fall on your ass when you saw Matty. That might have been a bit of a red flag."

"Well, once he realized I wasn't hurt..." She laughs hollowly. "I guess I really should have told him about us. Not that it would have made a difference."

"He knew what you wanted. He could tell when he saw how you were looking at the baby."

Mindy meets his eyes finally, brimming with tears. "No, Danny. He saw how I was looking at you."

Danny's stomach clenches tightly. "Min..."

"I knew I should have stayed in California. We could have started a practice out there, and I know he would have married me. He talked about it more than once, hinted at it, but I just... I stalled him. Isn't that the most ridiculous thing? But I just...I missed you." Her voice cracks, and Danny resists the urge to envelop her in his arms, unsure if it would be welcomed. She wipes roughly at her eyes. 

"God, Mindy..."

"Don't say it, Danny. I know. I'm an idiot, and I need to move on. I was trying to move on, I really was..."

"I love you."

He freezes, the words hanging in the air, and she looks up at him, her eyes wide. 

"I love you so much, Mindy," he continues. "Every day that you were gone, I just... I thought about how I fucked things up and lost you. I lost myself. You told me you got to decide, and you left, and I tried so hard to accept that decision. And when you come back with him, I wanted you to be happy, no matter how badly it hurt, because you're more important to me than myself. So God, Mindy, if there's any chance you'd forgive me, tell me, because I'm losing my mind right now."

He can't take his eyes off of hers, and the coffee pot causes drippy echoes in the spaces between them. The silence is deafening. 

"Please say something, Min."

"Don't call me Min."

That wasn't exactly what he had expected. "What?"

"Don't do that. That's what you do when you...You love me?"

He nods. "I don't know what else to call it. I mean, I've tried, but..."

"I just got dumped my boyfriend."

"I just had a baby with a stranger." 

Pain flickers across her face, and he realizes he's one-upped her in a terrible game when he should have just shut the fuck up. As usual. 

She looks away, taking a deep breath. "It's a lot of big changes all at once."

Danny nods again. If he can just keep agreeing with her, she'll stay in the room. And if she stays in the room, maybe he can get her to agree to...him. "You know, they say it takes an average of six months for people to adjust to important life events. Any actuary will tell you that."

"Oh, they say that, do they..." She bites her lip, and for the first time in a very long time, he sees the beginning of a smile in her eyes. 

"And the insurance industry really has their fingers on the pulse of..." Danny has no idea what he's saying, but he doesn't want that smile to fade. 

It doesn't all have to happen now, but from the glint in her eye, and the way she's playing with the string on his scrub shirt, he has a fairly good idea that it's going to happen eventually. 

And he's willing to wait.

**Author's Note:**

> This is a gift both for, and from, Likerealpeopledo, because without her, it would still be a jumbled mess of partially written chunks. She filled the gaps and mended the seams. Also, when I told her to write me an ending, she did, so I'm drunk with power.


End file.
